Stop A Divorce: The Divorce Ultimatum Syndrome

Bandar Sunway Selangor (I-Newswire) November 2, 2011 - One could never do too much to stop a divorce. A report on the rise of divorce yesterday confirmed what the average person may have on their mind once in a while: Is divorce wrongly used as the ultimatum in arguments? According to Prof Dr. Sarinah Low Abdullah, chartered psychologist with the Health Research Development Unit at Universiti Malaya, the answer is a resounding Yes.

In an interview by The Star Newspaper (http://thestar.com.my), Dr. Sarinah revealed what she called an alarming trend, especially in young couples. People are getting increasingly independant on their own, women particularly, and they believe that they can cope with anything, including a divorce. She was responding her view on how to stop a divorce in view of the climbing rate in divorce in Malaysia.

“The divorce ultimatum is too freely used. They are using the word too loosely.”

Dr. Sarinah also added that this can happen at the heat of an argument but not necessarily the actual intention, “If they fight with their spouse, they will say – ‘ok, if you are not happy with me, we can go our separate ways. I’ll be okay on my own’.”
On what prompt people to use divorce as the "final threat" and not the "final straw", she cites the stress of everyday life as the culprit. Both husband and wife are usually too tired after a day's work and do not have the time to spend with each other, causing a communication barrier between them.

On top of that, they are not spending the time and patience to work through their problems or simply don't know how. Perhaps, this is why the U.S Labor Department predict that the field of marriage counselling is expected to grow at 14% between 2008 to 2018.

The daily also highlighted the fact that the divorce rate is the highest among Muslims in the country, and this is partly attributed to the fact that Muslim men can divorce their wife just by uttering the 'talaq' (divorce). The 'talaq' is recognized as valid divorce without the permission of the court in Islamic Law.

This is another version of how "divorce" can be easily manipulated during a heated argument.

It is also interesting to note that the report also highlighted women to be the increasingly the party initiating the divorce instead of the one who stop a divorce. Could this be happening because women are simply more emotional than men?

Dr. Sarinah explains,“But is it the fault of women? No, although they initiate the divorce, it is because they know their rights, they are saying – ‘Don’t mess with me, I know my rights’.” Unlike their mothers and grandmothers, women today are independant socially and financially to be able to walk out of a situation they don't feel comfortable about.

However, going through unnecessary divorce is not answer."I strongly believe that communication is key in any relationship, not just marriage – how to address issues, how to deal with problems by talking through things and facing them head-on instead of just giving up on them or keeping them bottled up. I believe that if you want to prevent divorce, we need to teach young people all these skills," she said. The full story on how to stop a divorce can be found at http://www.getmyexboyfriendbackfast.com/how-to-stop-a-divorce


There are ways to overcome this, even if divorce is already on the card. Marriage counselling have been proven to help. On top of that, one should educate themselves on how to repair their relationship and strengthen their marriage in the long term. One good resources to stop a divorce and rebuild relationship is the Magic Of Making Up system by T.W. Jackson. The guide is available exclusively online at http://www.getmyexboyfriendbackfast.com and have helped over 6000 couples to stop a divorce.
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