“Desperate Housewives” is a monster hit TV show, beloved by millions, but, according to three-time Writers’ Guild Award winning sitcom and comic screenplay writer Sarit Catz, the women on “Desperate Housewives” are not desperate enough. She cites ten ways real housewives are far more desperate than the TV version.
(I-Newswire) - Hollywood, CA -- “Desperate Housewives” is a monster hit TV show, beloved by millions, which nearly single-handedly saved Disney and ABC. But, according to three-time Writers’ Guild Award winning sitcom and comic screenplay writer Sarit Catz, the show is misleading the American people. “Some people are all bent out of shape saying housewives are not in fact desperate and that it’s a myth. Not me. We ARE desperate. That’s true,” says Catz. “The myth is that the women on “Desperate Housewives” are desperate. In fact, they’re not desperate enough.”
Having once written and produced hits like “Full House,” “Coach,” “Soul Man” and other series, plus optioning two comic screenplays, Sarit took time out from Hollywood to start a family and a stand-up comedy career. “Most of my act is about being a mom. I have two little kids so, believe me, I know desperate.” says Catz. She cites ten differences between TV’s “Desperate Housewives” and REAL DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES: 1. “Desperate Housewives” want the plumber to pull down his pants. REAL DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES want the plumber to pull UP his pants. Hairy crack just isn’t that attractive. And would it kill the jerk to show up on time, charge what he said he was going to charge, and actually fix the darn thing?
2. “Desperate Housewives” have their husband locked in the basement. REAL DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES want to lock themselves in the basement. Or the attic, a storage room, the crawl space – anyplace the kids can’t find us.
3. “Desperate Housewives” mow the lawn in evening gowns. REAL DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES haven’t worn an evening gown since the 90’s. When we dress up, it’s for Halloween. Otherwise it’s sweatpants and a ponytail – which is good since we can’t fit into our evening gowns anymore.
4. “Desperate Housewives” take their kids’ Ritalin. REAL DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES have our own stash of Xanax, Prozac, Valium, Ativan, Buprenex, Oxycontin, Soma, Hydroxyzine, Ultram, Vicodin, Darvon, Tylenol with Codeine, Percodan, Zoloft, and, of course, several bottles of wine plus the fixings for Cosmos. Alright, I know a little too much about this, don’t I?
5. “Desperate Housewives” burn their neighbor’s house down. REAL DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES would burn our own house down if it meant we didn’t have to clean it. Who wouldn’t want to make a giant pile out of all the toys, shoes, laundry, craft supplies, dirty dishes and assorted crap that’s lying all over the house, douse the whole thing in lighter fluid and drop a match on that baby?
6. “Desperate Housewives” have unfortunate mothers-in-law who get hit by a car. REAL DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES are driving.
7. “Desperate Housewives” are in a relationship with the pharmacist. REAL DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES would like the guy to fill the freaking prescription within the century. Do you know what it’s like to have a toddler with 102 fever hanging, wheezing and drooling on you while you wait at CVS ( which stands for Consumer Victimization Store )? It’s not a vacation in Aruba, okay?
8. “Desperate Housewives” have kids that are nuts, have ADD and are complete brats and everyone’s sympathetic. REAL DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES have kids that are nuts, have ADD and are complete brats and that’s normal. Deal with it yourself, okay? We’ve got our own crappy kids.
9. “Desperate Housewives” have affairs with teenaged boys and may or may not be pregnant by them. REAL DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES don’t find young boys attractive. We leave that to creepy teachers like Mary Kay Letourneau. And we’d hang ourselves in the laundry room if we found out we were pregnant again.
10. “Desperate Housewives” worry that nude photos of them are about to be posted on the internet. REAL DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES don’t allow nude photos of ourselves to be taken in the first place. Who am I? Pam Anderson? I get scared when I catch sight of myself in the mirror getting out of the shower. Do you think I’m going to commit something like that to film?
Currently contending for the title of Nick@Nite’s “Funninest Mom in America,” Catz is keeping an iron or two in the television fire. She is the Head Writer and a producer of the “Bob Gonzo Show,” an upcoming sketch/variety show being produced in New Jersey that will be available on the new on-demand cable network, RipeTV, on the internet and in syndication. Sarit has also written a pilot for fellow Garden State comedian Mike Marino which the pair hopes will find a place on the fall 2006 schedule.
About Sarit Catz:
A recognized comedy expert, Sarit Catz began her comedy career in radio, creating, writing and producing three award-winning comedy services for ABC Radio Networks and other nationally syndicated services bringing her jokes, voices, song-parodies, and other bits to every market in the nation, from New York’s WPLJ to LA’s KLOS. Sarit went on to become a television writer/producer with credits that include “Coach,” “Full House,” “Soul Man,” “Talk to Me,” “The Crew,” “Café Americain,” and “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.” In the feature film arena, Sarit wrote and sold options on two original screenplays currently being marketed to studios by producers. She has won three ( 3 ) Writers’ Guild of America Awards and been named a semi-finalist in the ScriptapaloozaTV screenwriting contest. When Sarit’s children were born, so was her stand-up comedy career. Not only do the kids drive Sarit crazy enough to run screaming from the house and into the clubs, they also provide her with plenty of material. She has played numerous comedy clubs including The Comic Strip, Stand-Up New York, Gotham Comedy Club, Comedy Cellar, New York Comedy Club, Boston Comedy Club, Rascals Montclair and West Orange, Jenkinson’s, Uncle Floyd’s, and many more. She is currently the Head Writer for the “Bob Gonzo Show,” a sketch/variety show appearing on RipeTV, the new on-demand network, on the internet, and in syndication. For more information, visit www.princessofcomedy.com.
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Sarit Catz sarit@princessofcomedy.com
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